Moments of Longing
by nevermore199
Summary: It's just a little crush. Only a crush. Nothing like love. Or is it? One-shot, one-sided Mike x Bella.


**I've been meaning to post this forever, and here it is. A Twilight one-shot, featuring the much underappreciated Mike Newton and his feelings for Bella.**

**I originally started writing this in third person, and then I switched to second person and it sounded a lot better, so that's what the final product ended up being. I hope there aren't any English teachers reading this. (Apparently second person is right up there with murder.)**

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1.

The moment you first see Bella, you think she's cute. You long for her attention. You do your best to be nice to her, but all the while you can't shake the feeling that she thinks you're annoying.

Your feelings (_just a crush,_ you tell yourself, _it's really only a crush, she's a pretty girl and that's it_) cause a bit of a rift with you and some other boys. You don't care.

She's the only one in your head.

2.

When she starts spending time with Edward Cullen, you're jealous, and you don't hesitate to let her know. She warns you that it's none of your business. You don't want to listen.

"It's not fair," you tell yourself one day at work. "I'm a nice guy. I'm just as nice as Edward Cullen. Why won't Bella look at _me_ that way?"

A thin, dark-haired man standing down the aisle gives you a strange look. You turn away, embarrassed.

_Well, still,_ you think.

3.

You don't ask Jessica out because you like her. You ask out Jessica because it's cool to have a girlfriend, and because you need something to do (other than sitting on your bed thinking of _someone else_), and because Bella suggests it.

It's mostly the last one.

You take her out and pretend. You hold her hand and smile as pleasantly as you can. You try to make her happy.

When you kiss her, however, you realize that your relationship will never last.

Jessica's a nice girl. You don't intend to break up with her now. But you and she will never be soul mates.

She's a nice girl. But she's _not Bella_.

4.

Over the summer, you work hard at becoming a different person. When school resumes in the fall, more girls notice you than before.

Bella comes up to you after English and says bluntly, "I know what you're doing."

You fumble with your books a little, startled at Bella's sudden appearance. "What?"

"Copying Edward isn't going to get my attention."

"Who says I'm copying Edward?" you retort. "Maybe I just wanted a change."

Bella sighs. "Whatever, Mike."

You watch her go to Edward and take his hand, and Edward glances at you, eyebrow raised, before leading Bella from the room.

5.

Edward Cullen disappears, and Bella breaks into a million pieces right before your eyes.

You feel horrible. You long to reach out and comfort her, to take her in your arms and whisper words of encouragement.

_I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry. Please don't be sad. I'm here for you. I'm here._

Angela catches you outside your last class one day and mutters, "Mike, you have to help her."

"Who?" you ask, playing dumb.

"Bella." Angela fixes you with a serious gaze. "She's falling apart, Mike. We have to do something."

You sigh. "I've been _trying_. But she just stares past me like I'm not even there." Your fist clenches, and your voice comes out in a pained whisper. "Do you think I don't notice her? Do you think I can't see? Do you _know_ how much _pain_ this puts me in?"

Angela stares at you for a long time, her eyes wide.

"You love her," she says finally.

You avoid her gaze. "I have to get going. Lots of homework."

6.

When Bella starts to resurface, you soon learn that it's because of a boy named Jacob Black. You thought Edward Cullen would always be the one who you were most jealous of, but Jacob's proven you wrong.

_It's not fair, Bella. Why was he able to help you when I couldn't?_

On your demented movie date, you seethe silently at Jacob. You hate that he knows about Bella's dislike of music when you didn't. You say that it's what's bothering you, but you know it's something deeper.

You can see how Jacob feels (and wish so desperately that you could be blind).

7.

Edward Cullen returns, and Bella goes back to normal. You're still not happy about Edward, and it takes its toll on whatever friendship exists (or exist_ed_) between you and Bella.

You wish you weren't this way. You know that petty jealousy isn't going to help you win Bella's heart.

But what are you supposed to do?

You're so sick of losing, so sick of playing a game you can never win. And yet stopping isn't an option (because this game is such a _drug_).

What other options are there, anyway?

8.

Jacob Black pulls up on a motorcycle, and you feel jealous. You wish that you could be a knight in shining armor (just once, instead of _those other two_).

"I got really sick and went home, okay?" Bella tells you, eyeing the motorcycle excitedly.

"Fine," you mutter.

Your sullen mood suddenly lifts when Bella kisses your cheek and runs off, calling, "Thanks, Mike. I definitely owe you one!"

As she and Jacob drive away, you touch your cheek, staring into space with a stunned expression. When the bell rings, you hear it but stay still.

9.

When the invitation for Edward and Bella's wedding comes in the mail, you can barely breathe. Ice chokes your heart and strangles your spine, and for a long time all you can do it stare at the envelope in horrified shock.

In the back of your mind, you knew this day was coming. You knew that it had to happen sooner or later.

But, still, it hurts.

It hurts to realize, with a bitter smile, that you never really had a chance. Her heart was _his_ the whole time, from the first day they met.

She never noticed you to begin with.

And it _hurts_.

10.

"Congratulations," you say to Bella in a flat voice.

"Mike—" Bella begins.

"Forget it," you interrupt, waving your hand. "It's no big deal. I knew this was going to happen. It's not like this is a surprise."

Bella sighs. "Mike…"

"I have to go, Bella."

"I'm sorry."

"I have to go."

"I'm sorry."

Bella stares at you with tortured eyes, and you think that maybe she's finally realized that Edward isn't the only guy alive. That maybe there are other people out there who like her.

People who _love_ her.

You shrug. "It's okay, Bella." Your voice is still dull. "It was him from the start. I knew that all along." A bitter chuckle escapes your mouth. "I guess I couldn't help but hope things might turn out differently."

Bella looks away.

"Bye, Bella," you say softly.

And with that, you leave.

**

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**

You might make the point that not much mention was made of Jacob in that last one. But Mike never really knew about all the stuff that went on—he thought that it was only Edward. So.


End file.
